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It was a complete side swipe.
She sat in tears across from me re-living the circumstances for her recent exodus from an organisation she loved, after many happy years. It was obvious that the new manager was completely out of his depth and directing his insecurities at her.
But why was it impacting her so much?
Cynthia felt she had the rug pulled out from under her. She’s completely lost her mojo and has no idea how to get it back.
I’ve spoken about this before and I’m seeing this time and time again, and not just in the not-for-profit sector. But as we sat there, I realised there was an answer for her, for you, on how to get over it.
Then there is Samantha. She’s stepped into a new job for a small organisation, after leaving the banking industry. Used to the broad support that comes with working in a large corporate organisation, she’s now entirely responsible for marketing, budgets and client relationships. A one-man-band in small business.
She enrolled in a course to upskill herself in some of the areas she felt she was lacking experience. She talked to the course facilitator about her new employment, a couple of decisions she’d made in her very new role. His response was “Oh no, I wish you had spoken to me first, you’ve made a huge mistake”. Sam left the course, feeling incompetent, questioning her ability to do the most basic things.
We’ve all met these people. They’re manipulative, irrational and can be a bit (or a lot) of a bully. They seem to always have the words that make you feel like they’ve reached into your head, found your greatest insecurity, pulled it out, and showed it to all and sundry, completely embarrassing you and challenging what you know to be true about yourself and your work.
This might seem a little dramatic, but this situation has been true for too many women I know. Many have been at the top of their game one minute and then… suddenly they’re not.
So, I will tell you what I told her.
Think about that person, about their actions and take a step back.
Were their actions rational? Was their behaviour self-serving or coming from a place of genuine intent?
The scenario might keep playing out in your head… however ask yourself one thing. Did you do everything you could, WITH THE KNOWLEDGE you had at the time, to the best of your ability?
It’s all about perspective. Sure, in hindsight (isn’t that a wonderful thing) you might have done things a little differently, but you didn’t, so be a little kinder to yourself.
And that other person… Why does their opinion matter? Why do their actions impact you so much? Finding the answers to those questions are imperative if you want to stand tall and be confident in your own abilities. We will always come across others who will challenge us. Being prepared is part of the game.